25 years old.

Hi, my 16 year old self.

You must be wondering how your 25 year old self looking.

Relax. You'll become more pretty and educated, hahaaa.

And you still choose carreer over lover. You still prioritize yourself first, as expected.

But, there are some few things you should know. Your self right there thinking and hating some things, and your 25th self is still through it right now.

You thought, people who commited suicide are because they're weak and their mental state is not healty. And you commited yourself to wake up and exercise so that suicidal thought won't come to you. But, guess what? Your 25 year old self through it right now. Although she is run, doing boxing, exercise as much as she could, while maintain her worklife balance, she still can't escape from those suicidal thoughts. She become more and more sad.

In her age, she feel sad because her romance life didn't work out as she thought. She was love a guy too hard but didn't accept it when that guy couldn't gave the same amount of love as she gave him. And thats why they broke up. She didn't satisfied about her romance life. But she learn, what relationship that she really wants. A real partner.

When your 20 you'll know that so many guys are felt lower than you. They thought their self esteem are lower when they stand right beside you. That's why you asked a guy out first and dating when you're 20. What you want is a boyfriend who's not feel intimidated by your existence. A boyfriend who's not intimidated you or tried to dominance you. What you want is a partner who can learn and growth together. Not make you fall, but support you as you support him too. You want a partner as a mutual relationship and you wanna feel satisfied about it.

But, it's 2022 and you still can't find him. You'll know that your 25 year old crying because of her ex. Yeah. Fucking asshole ex. And that's okay. Crying for ex is normal, and you don't have to rejected this feeling. Accept your feeling is the key to bring your inner peace. And make a way to resolve it. Or let it be. Not everything can be controlled. So just let it go.

You thought your 25 gonna be shining✨, but its not. We are still human being, after all. Still have so many flaws.

What your parents through, maybe you feel it too. You'll sense your father are workaholic and not enjoy just sitting around doing nothing. And he love his family so much that he forget to love himself as much as he loves you. You'll realize your mom still do what she gotta do as a mom. Tryna survive while making life better. You'll realize your life is more important and you'll become comfortable enough with yourself. And in this age, all you can do is accepting yourself as if this feeling and thought is exist. You can't just ignore it, because it will come again. All the things you couldn't control and fix, you started to accept it as it is. And bring the peace of it.

If the happy feeling comes, accept it. If the sadness come, accept it. It's okay to sometimes have some mental breakdown. So you'll rise again. You know I'll never give up on you, right?💜 so please stay alive until then. Until your 25. Until 50 and until your old and died.

Please enjoy it as much as you can and don't regret too much about the past. You got this.💜✨